OFTEN FOR THE BRIDE, NOT THE BRIDESMAID

How many times have you been subjected to donning a questionable ensemble and made to parade in public? Unless you're a K-Mart model, you know I'm talking about bridesmaid dress hell. I personally have a couple gems in my closet as proof of past fashion missteps I've endured. Ah, the things we do for (people in) love. So, I say to you...

Don't traumatize your bridesmaids with horrendous outfits and bizarre styling requests.

Do find outfits that flatter various skin tones, shapes, sizes and styles.

Like a photo of a lovely waterfall taken just as a garbage truck rolls by - no subject of a picture looks good if the background is unattractive. Yes, it's your day to shine. But you want your wedding to be one big, pretty picture where everything works together as beautifully as possible.

If your favorite color combination happens to be something like hot pink and orange – which can be a very fun combination in certain situations - give a moment's thought as to how these colors will look on each of your besties. Not every skin tone or hair color looks great with every color outfit. If your girls can't carry such bright hues, perhaps black dresses could be an alternative choice. And using those bright colors in the bouquets will pop very nicely in front of black dresses! If black doesn't work for you, maybe neutrals. Or my favorite pseudo-neutral - a nice sage green, which goes with most any flower colors you could put in the bouquets. Also, beyond how the color palette you like works for the dresses, always consider how it will blend with the venue you have chosen as well.

Once you've decided on your color(s) think about the different body types your bridesmaids have in relation to the types of dresses they would be most comfortable wearing. Sometimes within a group of bridesmaids there can be very different heights and shapes - where one dress DOESN'T fit all. In this situation maybe allowing each to choose a different dress style, all in the same fabric and color, would be a more flattering approach.

And, don't overlook the accessories. Everyone has their own unique style, which makes the world an interesting place. But this is the one day when you nicely ask your bridesmaids to help you bring yours to life. Unmatched shoes can sometimes work for an informal garden wedding. But otherwise try to coordinate the group. The same goes for the jewelry – and earings or necklaces that compliment the outfits can be a lovely gift from you. Another thoughtful gesture would be to pay for their hair and make-up as well. Being a participant in a wedding can be expensive. And you want to express your gratitude to these important people contributing to your special day. So, keep that in mind when you are eying that fuchsia taffeta dress. Because love can be blind, but your bridesmaids aren't.

THE TEST OF GUESTS

Ah, the guest list. Probably to be the most debated aspect of your entire affair. From the wrangling of your parents to include the “very dear friends” who they haven't seen since 1983 (and which they aren't paying for!) right down to the thoughtful guests who include their children on the response card - as if it were an oversight that they weren't invited. It wasn't. So, take a deep breath and...

Do treat all (invited!) guests with courtesy
Don't buckle to BAD GUEST BEHAVIOR

First, let's consider the “more the merrier” family who are attempting to commandeer your wedding (and remember it's YOUR wedding!) by rudely including their “adorable” children. Weddings are an expense to which the adults were graciously invited, not their children. Send the offenders a nice note informing them that your wedding is a child free zone and for their convenience include babysitting information.

The overzealous parents who feel the need to invite every person they've ever met is a little more problematic. Sometimes it is a thin line to tread in navigating a new family - and there are plenty of future years to step on toes! Hopefully mentioning the expense of extra guests will get the wanted response of accepting a smaller invitation list – or even better a check! But if you are met with blank stares and there are people that you feel obligated to include, there's always the option of sending out an announcement. But don't expect a gift, as people not invited to the wedding are in no way required to give one.

So after a bit of angst you've finally figured out the guest list and the invitations have been sent – hopefully with the correct postage. Be sure to check this at the post office. Now the exciting time of receiving responses begins. When I was getting married I got such delight in receiving our little response envelopes. I would rush to check the mail every day! It was so exciting to be able to know who to look forward to seeing on our special day.

But know that there will always be those few guests, or not so few, who find it a great imposition to check that preferred entrée box and pop that already addressed and stamped envelope into a mailbox. Yes, you will be making countless phone calls to see whether MIA guests are attending or not. And this does need to be checked. Because the inconsiderate non-responder is the most likely one to show up at your event – with a date. You don't want the embarrassment of a last minute seating issue.

Once you have your final guest list it's onto the dinner seating dilemma. One bride even produced a whole chart where each guest could be moved around little tables until the perfect seating arrangement was determined. But try not to fret about this too much. Aside from the two uncles who haven't spoken in fifteen years and are both members of the NRA, your guests should be able to remain pleasant for the duration of one meal. Hopefully they will then be up from their seats and happily cutting the rug for the remainder of the evening!

I do think it's a good idea to put significant others together when possible, which can get tricky if only one of a couple is in the wedding party. In that case, perhaps instead of a Head Table you and the Groom could sit at a Sweet Heart table while the bridal party is mixed amongst the other guests. But ultimately, regardless of who sits where, don't loose site of what a great gift it is to have family and friends all together, all at once to help celebrate one of the most important days of your life.

ABCs

It seems everyone has ABCs for everything. So, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring as well. My initials stand for: A for Aesthetic, B for Beauty and C for Creativity.

A for Aesthetic. The aesthetic of your event should begin with your save the date cards and continue right down to the last of the favors. There should be a sense of continuity in all aspects of your decorating, which makes it feel like one celebration - not five! This means from the get go deciding issues like; Will your event have a more modern feel or a more romantic feel? Is there a theme? What is the color palette? These questions often can be decided by what best compliments the site, or sites, you have chosen. Then again, sometimes it's fun to juxtapose different styles. And doing that can work quite well - if carried out throughout your event!

B for Beauty. Of course everything should be beautiful! Which is why only the freshest flowers should be used, linens should be spotless and your venues should be well-maintained. All these things go back to trusting in your vendors and knowing they will do their jobs competently. Another thing to consider is to not put too many elements in the mix. With so many possible options available sometimes it's difficult to narrow things down. While one idea is beautiful in one application it might not be in another. And as they say, too much is TOO MUCH! Go ahead and have opulent arrangements and sumptuous linens. But keep the additional elements and tchachkas to a low roar, as they can take away from the overall visual impact. This is where your florist can help you to edit so that everything works together attractively.

C is for Creativity. I always strive to be creative, even with the smallest of elements for an event. There's always some twist you can do to add interest. Perhaps a few jewels nestled in a pretty bouquet to add an extra little sparkle. Or maybe the addition of a flower on each place setting or a ribbon tied around each napkin - in your signature color, of course. Again your theme, be it an actual theme or just a color or a sensibility, will spur on ideas. One bride had a monogram of her and the groom's initials as their theme. Their monogram was tastefully used throughout their event - on their invitations, cake, special lighting on the dance floor and so on. In keeping with their theme we created a banner with the initial of their last name in flowers to hang in the entrance stairwell. Flanking that were wire letter forms with flowers attached of their first initials - letter perfect!

A PERSONAL TOUCH

Oftentimes brides (and grooms!) want more than just a pretty event. They want their weddings to reflect more of themselves and their lives together. Sometimes they would just like to have more of a hand in bringing about their special day, while also perhaps saving a little money. Of course it's always nice to put a personal stamp on your event. But don't feel that you have to do overly complicated and numerous projects to do so. In other words...

Do have personal touches in your wedding
Don't be personally tortured in creating them

I had a bride who became overly ambitious in this regard. At a certain point she was intending on hand making the programs, place cards, table numbers and menu cards for her wedding. Taking on several projects like these can become quite an undertaking for one person, particularly when in the midst of planning their wedding.

Needless to say, when things didn't go as smoothly as expected she began to feel overwhelmed. We talked it through and found less stressful tacks for her to take. She was sensible in knowing her limits. She didn't get tied up with a couple smaller aspects of her wedding and loose site of the overall. Because you should enjoy the special time leading up to your big day. Yes, there's perhaps some work. And like everything, there are often hurtles to overcome. But the journey of planning your wedding should be a happy time, not drudgery.

Then there was another bride I worked with who could've given Martha a run for her money. She created many flawless items for her wedding like the runner, which she sewed (using three different fabrics) and embroidered with her and the groom's initials! - a nice girl, but a little creepy. Not many people have her talent, nor the time for such involved projects. I say, if you really want to do lots of projects then by all means! But be realistic in your goals. Truly know what you are capable of and if you can complete everything in the manner you want, in the time table that's necessary.

Personalizing your event can also be achieved without getting out your arts and crafts bin. It could be as simple as decorating with a collection of family photographs. Maybe it's having your best four legged friend included in the ceremony – with flowered collar, of course! Or maybe it could be the inclusion of something of your culture. One bride, who had a South American heritage, brought back colorful trinket-sized dolls to put on each guest's place card. Another couple from Mexico had a Mariachi band perform after their ceremony. Perhaps it's acknowledging a hobby or interest that you share as a couple. One couple, who are both skiers, gave away chocolate skis for their favors.

Incorporating aspects of your lives, whether you make it yourself or not, can be done in a variety of interesting ways. Just try not to get too carried away. I'd say erring on the side of subtlety isn't a bad approach. Because while each addition might be lovely on its own, together it can become an incongruous mess. Remember it's your wedding, not a Bat Mitzvah!

HOLIDAZE

The day that is the bane of every florist in the land is upon us – Valentine's Day! Why do florists shudder in fear at the mere mention of V-day you ask? The multitudes of orders to get out ALL AT THE SAME TIME, the stratospheric flower prices and the challenge of even getting the flowers they want - when every other designer in town wants the same flowers. It's enough to make any florist want to hunt down Cupid with a different type of bow and arrow.

Luckily, we only decorate events and don't have hundreds of bouquets of red Roses and Baby's Breath to produce. But we still know when faced with a holiday wedding or event, that it's potentially more problematic than a regular event - from the higher flower prices down to just the logistics of getting around with more people out and about. So when you're picking the date of your wedding I suggest...

Do make your special day YOUR special day
Don't make a holiday your special day

Sometimes it's tempting to plan your wedding over a holiday, or more importantly a holiday weekend – more days off for your honeymoon! You might even think you're doing your guests a favor by picking a long weekend like Memorial Day weekend. They will have an extra travel day, you think. Yes, they will have an extra travel day. But so will everyone else in the country! And your guest list may suffer by people who have already made plans for that holiday weekend or have annual traditions that they're not able or willing to give up.

Prices for flowers aren't the only things that go up around the holidays. Air fare, hotels and car rentals all go up at specific times of the year too, putting more of a financial strain on you and your guests. And flower prices are not just inflated at Valentine's Day. Prices soar at other key times of the year like around Christmas and New Year's Eve and Mother's Day. Sometimes the cost of staff goes up as well, like on New Year's Eve. All things to consider when you are thinking about your budget.

Demand is high for specific flowers around holidays and every florist is competing for the same product. This can mean a tougher time getting some of the specific flowers you may have in mind. Perhaps your florist is able to get what you want, but then the quality might not be as good as it is at other times of the year when less in demand.

So perhaps make your wedding day a celebration all its own. Leave the holidays to celebrate as you always have in the past. And yes, I did decorate a wedding this holiday weekend. We decorated for a lovely couple who ( instead of red or pink) chose classic, beautiful white and cream flowers – which I fought tooth and nail to get!

LITTLE THINGS

Recently a bride offered to provide meals for my team at her event. Not only did this show her generosity - as any extra expenses when planning a wedding can really add up. But it also showed what great manners she has – remembering even the smallest courtesy in the midst of such a hectic time. I thanked her, but declined her offer. The ones to remember to have meals for are usually the Photographer and Band.

But this exchange made me realize that, in all the years I've been decorating events, I don't recall ever being asked this before. Yes, a couple times I've been offered tips (also declined) and received a few thoughtful gifts. One client gave us a quite a generous gift certificate for the very nice hotel where her event was held. Don't panic. That is not usual, nor is it expected. Truly, I am quite pleased when someone takes the time to write me a lovely note. Which brings me to...

Don't forget the little things.
Don't obsess about every little thing.

To help you remember all those little details, keep some sort of binder, list, database, so you can keep organized. Be vigilant in maintaining whatever system you choose. So when you wake up at 4:30am worrying if you sent that final payment, just check your notes and then confidently return to your beauty rest. For me, sometimes decorating an event can seem like orchestrating a military maneuver. Thusly, I have become an obsessive list maker – bride's favorite flowers, event day time-line, venue and other vendor call list, etc. Lists help me keep track of the myriad of details I need to know and keeps our team moving forward accordingly. And really, ticking items off a list always gives me great pleasure!

So now you've gotten your binder, set up your website and feel fairly organized. But planning a wedding is still sometimes overwhelming. Maybe you feel you can't manage everything. One tack some take is to hire a coordinator. They can help just on your big day or all throughout your planning. Planners may help some, but I feel in most situations they are an unnecessary expense. Hire capable vendors that communicate with you and coordinate with each other and that's really all you need.

If you still feel you're handling too much be willing to delegate some responsibilities to someone reliable. And again I stress RELIABLE. Follow your instincts, or your gut, as they say. You love your Maid of Honor. But if she is chronically late, can't successfully seal envelopes without cutting her lip and notoriously has trouble finding her own car, maybe someone else would be more helpful.

The same goes for vendors. If the florist, caterer or photographer shows up to your first meeting 45 minutes late and has forgotten their book of samples, don't hire them. Find someone who is professional, compatible...RELIABLE. So that on your special day you will be able to relax, enjoy yourself and feel confident that the services they provide will be provided - and in the way you want. Then you are free to worry about all the other little details - like getting those pretty note cards to write your favorite florist!

GIVING THANKS

Thanksgiving is upon us. Time to reflect on what and who we should be grateful for in our lives. I am grateful to all our clients without whom any of this would be possible. I am also grateful to my team of various helpers who help make sure every detail gets executed well. And I am grateful to all the other wonderful vendors and venues who suggest us to clients, because they know we will do a great job too.

The focus of a wedding is, of course, on the two people getting married – although we all really know the focus is more on the Bride! But there are many other people who contribute oftentimes long, arduous hours to insure the outcome of a beautiful event. Any and all of these people should be acknowledged. Planning a wedding is oftentimes a whirlwind of activity. The Big Day is sometimes no less hectic. But don't let that sidetrack you from letting people know that you appreciate their efforts. Truly poised Brides never forget their manners.

A time to acknowledge some of the people involved is at your rehearsal dinner. This is when you present your Bridesmaids (and the Groom his Groomsmen) gifts to express your gratitude for their participation in your event. For the Bridesmaids this can be necklaces or earrings that coordinate with their wedding day outfits. Remember to consider if someone has pierced ears or not when purchasing earrings. Sometimes other gifts are given like gift certificates to favorite restaurants or spas. Or perhaps something more personal, maybe something you made yourself.

This could also be a time, as well as at the reception, for toasts expressing thanks to key people. Take a few moments beforehand to give this some thought. You want to have an idea of what you want to say that will hopefully come to mind through nervousness. Also, you don't want any hurt feelings because you forgot to mention someone. This doesn't mean that you have to give a lengthy (no one wants that!) obsequious speech for every single person. A few concise and heartfelt words is perfect. Done well and there won't be a dry eye in the room.

After all the enjoyment of the wedding, and perhaps a honeymoon, you are faced with the daunting task of writing dozens of thank you notes. I suggest writing notes – and only notes, e-mails just don't stand up - as your gifts arrive so you aren't overwhelmed later. Also, you'll be more fresh with your sentiments when done a few at a time. And in the end, be sure to thank your fiancé (spouse!) for enduring all the months of chaos, jitters and whatnot and for just being the person that you love.

Happy Thanksgiving!

THE GREAT OUTDOORS

When the weather turns warmer thus begins the season of “outdoor” weddings. Outdoor locations can range from a beach to a private veranda to a public park and can be as informal or as dressy as indoor events. Sometimes Mother Nature will allow for the most enchanted of evenings under the stars. But more oft than not the romanticized idea of the perfect outdoor event is impeded with rain, mud, soaring (or plummeting) temperatures and flying, biting pests. But don't fear, there are precautions you can take to still insure (perhaps with a little humor) an enjoyable time for all. So in other words...

Don't fail to plan for inclement weather when having an outside event.
Do go ahead with an outside event if your heart is set on it, you just might get lucky!

Firstly, have a reputable tent company on hold to tent outside areas where possible in case of inclement weather. If you do have to tent hopefully the weather will permit that the sides of the tent can be open to view the surrounding grounds, which is wonderful decoration! And tents CAN be enhanced to look very pretty. I had a bride ask me about this recently.

“I am completely lost when it comes to decorating the tent. The look we are going for is classic and clean, but with a fun party twist...Do you have any advice as to how to decorate the tent so it doesn't look under or overdone in a cost effective way?”

Tents do need a little embellishment to hide tent mechanics. If you're keeping an eye on expenses, focus on the key areas of the tent - the center poles (you could decorate every pole along the perimeter too, but that gets costly) and perhaps the entrances and around any food stations, the bar and Band or DJ.

For the poles, they can be wrapped in fabric or Tulle. We also often add greens or garland, but that can be a budget breaker. Sometimes (if logistics and arrangement size and shape permit) the aisle flowers from the ceremony can be tied on either side of the upper part of the poles (where the supports connect). That adds a nice touch with or without the fabric wrapping. I also like to put a couple ferns around the bases of the poles too, to visually soften the area and to lessen the chances of someone tripping over them as well. If you want to get a little fancier trees (perhaps with string lights) and additional plants grouped around the poles make a nice visual link to the outdoor surroundings too.

Another idea to consider if your event goes into the evening, is incorporating paper lanterns with electric lights (because it's not festive to have a tent fire on your big day!) They come in lots of shapes, sizes and colors and afterwards you will have a nice collection for future parties. Also, we've put multiples of luminaries outside of tents either along borders of pathways or just sprinkled across a lawn.

But as lovely as your event may look keep in mind the comfort of your guests as well. Along with the tent you should have a portable A/C or heater on stand by too. A few years ago there was a wedding held in early September (usually a nice time of year weather-wise in this region) at a family home. There was a lovely old stone house with beautiful grounds that had been extensively redone for the wedding. They had a tent set up, but against my suggestion, they did not have a heater on stand by. Unfortunately, all the efforts for a spectacular setting were ruined by drizzly, damp weather. With no heater the guests were uncomfortable and it did put a pall over the event. Supposedly bad weather on the wedding day means there will be a good marriage. But I'd still like to have a good party too!

REMEMBRANCE

My father passed away a couple weeks ago. And how does that relate to weddings? Death, like marriage, is one of those pivotal moments in your life. And like a wedding, it is a time when people come together not just physically, sometimes from great distances, but emotionally as well. It's when you experience great change, reflect on wonderful memories and engage in various rituals. It's hopefully when everyone involved in the planning will readily work together effectively and selflessly. And it is a time to be truly grateful for the family and friends still in your life. In other words...

Don't forget how very special your family, soon to be family and friends are.
Do take a moment to let them know how important they are to you.

Planning any event can be a stressful time for many reasons. There are budget constraints, taste differences, logistical problems. There seems to be a never ending list of decisions to make and each one affects all the others. In spite of all this try to keep your perspective and your poise. Even though presently your wedding is your main priority, one day it will be behind you. And afterwards what will remain are the people around you - and more specifically with regards to a wedding, your fiancé!

And when your day finally does arrive I always tell my brides - let go of any and all worries. You've worked hard to prepare and have hired vendors to carry out all the various functions of your party. Let them do their jobs. Relax. It's time for you to enjoy your day! Enjoy the festivities (even if there are any missteps with the plans no one but you will notice). Enjoy seeing those important people in your life all together to celebrate with you. And most importantly, be happy that you are marrying the person you love most!

But, while we're on the subject – it's very difficult for brides and grooms who have lost someone close to them before their wedding. It is saddening that that person will not be able to attend such an important event in their lives. So sometimes it is helpful to incorporate a little remembrance within the celebration. It could be as subtle as a significant flower included in the bride's bouquet. Or perhaps a picture in a locket tied around the stems of the bouquet. Once we hid a loved one's handkerchief under the ribbon wrapping the bouquet, a sweet, sentimental touch that only the bride knew about. Maybe setting a special table or a mantle with pictures decorated with flowers and candles would be a nice homage. Or even just simply some heartfelt words at a key moment. Whatever feels right to you is the best remembrance.

SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW

An updated historical home or mansion is a popular venue for weddings and special events. You have the charm of old architecture, often with beautiful grounds, enhanced with current day amenities. To accommodate larger parties there is usually either an existing ballroom or a completely new addition. Sometimes this larger meeting area can be as simple as a tent over a patio, which can be really lovely when the weather is pleasant. Just remember to have on hold a company to set up any necessary portable A/C or heating units!

Unfortunately, in some venues the transition from old architecture to new is not so seamless and can create some decorating angst. But decorated thoughtfully the transition can be less noticeable. You can either choose one viewpoint and run with it or exaggerate differences for an interesting juxtaposition. Whichever path you choose I say commit fully! In other words...

Don't be inconsistent even in an inconsistent site.
Do be consistent in seemingly (but not) inconsistent ways.

Say that five times fast! As visually jarring as it is when there is no connection between architectural styles, the same can be said about the decorating. The key is a thread of continuity throughout your event. If you decide on a classic/modern theme, perhaps linking the two concepts by using the same colors throughout, or the same flowers – just presented in dramatically different ways. Or introduce other decorative elements, like the same linens throughout, to support the idea of it all still being one party. And don't be afraid to push the envelope. You want the differences to be bold and apparent, not wishy-washy and questioned.

Recently we decorated a site that is successful in its integration of old and new, The Manor House at Commonwealth. It is an 18th century stone farmhouse where the ballroom was added just a few years ago. It is situated next to the Commonwealth National Golf Club. So there are wonderful views of the course, particularly from the attractive veranda, which is right off the ballroom. The veranda is also a nice spot for some of your less mobile guests to look down upon your wedding, if you choose the bordered lawn below for your ceremony site.


The Bride asked us to decorate in a clean, classic style with bold reds. Since the Manor House is decorated in a fairly neutral palette this was not a problem at all. Always remember to consider how the color palette you are inclined to will work in the venue you choose.



I worked with another bride who loved the combination of hot pink and turquoise. This can be a really rich and pleasing combination, but not when your venue has light yellow walls and red carpets and Royal blue accents! Luckily, she heeded my advice and was very happy with the decoration of white flowers with hot pink accents, like the chair cushions, in some areas and full throttle hot pink in other areas where it could work. Turquoise made no appearance at the party and I believe everyone was better for it.

BUDGET

Discussion of the recent economic downturn is pervasive. You hear about it on the radio and TV. You read about it in newspapers, magazines and on the Internet. It has, to whatever degree, affected everyone. So needless to say, the very first word out of every bride's mouth is BUDGET. Different aspects of weddings have different meanings and values for different people. Where the food may be important to one bride, the band is more important to another. Most of the time people have ideas of budgets for various aspects of their event in the back of their mind. Now it's in the forefront! So the trick is in laying out your budget to fit what's most important to you while being even handed in planning the overall event. In other words...

Don't blow your budget on your dress and then skimp on everything else.
Do set a realistic budget before you purchase/book anything.

Don't expect vendors to cut their prices because you spent $5000 on your dress. This goes across the board. If you booked the most lavish, expensive hotel, don't cut every other corner or the event will feel obviously cheapened. And I caution people to not make decisions based solely on the cost of something if possible. There are ways to scale back without settling for something second rate. Lay out your budget and expect that some things will cost a little more, but not so much that you'll end up being entertained by Uncle Fred's boom box at the Ritz.

Be realistic. If you can't afford a splashy evening affair at the grandest ballroom in town, a lovely cocktail party at an interesting venue like an art gallery might be more appropriate for you. Or perhaps something that reflects an important aspect of you and your fiancé's life. If you are foodies, maybe an intimate dinner in the private room of one of your favorite restaurants would be the thing. If you are outdoorsy types, why not a party at an arboretum? But remember to always have indoor contingency plans for any outdoor event in case of inclement weather!

If you do book the ballroom, perhaps have your ceremony there as well. This will cut the cost of the ceremony site and the need for special transportation ie. limousines, trolleys, horse drawn carriages, etc. And again, scaling back from a full sit down dinner to an elegant cocktail reception might be a better plan. Just remember to be clear on your invitations, so guests know what to expect. I have a friend who was more than a little miffed when - having spent money on airfare, a hotel stay, car rental and a nice gift - was offered only cake, grape Kool-Aid (the bride and groom thought it would be humorous apparently) and tepid Sanka at the reception.