DESTINATION UNKNOWN

Destination weddings have become more popular in recent times. Now the party abroad has trickled down from the usual jet-setting crowd chronicled in magazines to the average person. The idea of flying off to a distant, exotic locale to celebrate your wedding with family and friends sounds like a fantasy come true. But is it just that – a fantasy?

Would a destination wedding work for you? Firstly, think about the people you would be inviting – do they have the funds to pick up their bags and go? Do they have kids to bring along? Are they too elderly to travel? With your particular group, is traveling to a tropical island the reason that Honeymoons exist?

It is a similar situation to the “Holiday” wedding. This is when you choose to have your nuptials on a holiday, like New Year's Eve, which can be tricky. People oftentimes have longtime traditions associated with certain holidays, in which they either can't or simply aren't inclined to break. It's the same with vacations. If someone has their plans arranged for one trip and now you are suggesting another, it can be a conflict.

Sometimes a destination wedding is motivated to accommodate family and friends. We decorated the stateside wedding for a couple where the bride was abroad. In this case, they decided to have two celebrations, one in each of the two homelands. I think this is a gracious way to handle guests who might not be able to attend your celebration otherwise. But technically it's not a “destination” wedding, just one that happens to be in a distant location depending on which of the two events you attend. Unless, of course, you are lucky enough to attend both!

But if you have your heart set on some far flung locale and don't mind perhaps a smaller group at your wedding, then ring up that travel agent! There are businesses or wedding planners that can assist with your long distance planning too. Of course, be sure to research their credentials before you leave all the planning of your special day to them. Also, be prepared to add this extra expense into your budget.

Utilizing a reputable professional is good, but still have your own check list as well. You wouldn't want your special day spoiled because of forgetting any necessary things - like a current passport! Perhaps set up a website or a blog for you and your guests to keep everyone updated with details and suggestions, like various hotel room blocks or flights available. Beyond travel information and your wedding itself, consider arranging other group activities or excursions for your travel mates. Maybe outings that reflect the culture of your location. Your guests have traveled a long way to celebrate with you, spending more time with them can only enhance all the great memories. Bon Voyage!

OFTEN FOR THE BRIDE, NOT THE BRIDESMAID

How many times have you been subjected to donning a questionable ensemble and made to parade in public? Unless you're a K-Mart model, you know I'm talking about bridesmaid dress hell. I personally have a couple gems in my closet as proof of past fashion missteps I've endured. Ah, the things we do for (people in) love. So, I say to you...

Don't traumatize your bridesmaids with horrendous outfits and bizarre styling requests.

Do find outfits that flatter various skin tones, shapes, sizes and styles.

Like a photo of a lovely waterfall taken just as a garbage truck rolls by - no subject of a picture looks good if the background is unattractive. Yes, it's your day to shine. But you want your wedding to be one big, pretty picture where everything works together as beautifully as possible.

If your favorite color combination happens to be something like hot pink and orange – which can be a very fun combination in certain situations - give a moment's thought as to how these colors will look on each of your besties. Not every skin tone or hair color looks great with every color outfit. If your girls can't carry such bright hues, perhaps black dresses could be an alternative choice. And using those bright colors in the bouquets will pop very nicely in front of black dresses! If black doesn't work for you, maybe neutrals. Or my favorite pseudo-neutral - a nice sage green, which goes with most any flower colors you could put in the bouquets. Also, beyond how the color palette you like works for the dresses, always consider how it will blend with the venue you have chosen as well.

Once you've decided on your color(s) think about the different body types your bridesmaids have in relation to the types of dresses they would be most comfortable wearing. Sometimes within a group of bridesmaids there can be very different heights and shapes - where one dress DOESN'T fit all. In this situation maybe allowing each to choose a different dress style, all in the same fabric and color, would be a more flattering approach.

And, don't overlook the accessories. Everyone has their own unique style, which makes the world an interesting place. But this is the one day when you nicely ask your bridesmaids to help you bring yours to life. Unmatched shoes can sometimes work for an informal garden wedding. But otherwise try to coordinate the group. The same goes for the jewelry – and earings or necklaces that compliment the outfits can be a lovely gift from you. Another thoughtful gesture would be to pay for their hair and make-up as well. Being a participant in a wedding can be expensive. And you want to express your gratitude to these important people contributing to your special day. So, keep that in mind when you are eying that fuchsia taffeta dress. Because love can be blind, but your bridesmaids aren't.

THE TEST OF GUESTS

Ah, the guest list. Probably to be the most debated aspect of your entire affair. From the wrangling of your parents to include the “very dear friends” who they haven't seen since 1983 (and which they aren't paying for!) right down to the thoughtful guests who include their children on the response card - as if it were an oversight that they weren't invited. It wasn't. So, take a deep breath and...

Do treat all (invited!) guests with courtesy
Don't buckle to BAD GUEST BEHAVIOR

First, let's consider the “more the merrier” family who are attempting to commandeer your wedding (and remember it's YOUR wedding!) by rudely including their “adorable” children. Weddings are an expense to which the adults were graciously invited, not their children. Send the offenders a nice note informing them that your wedding is a child free zone and for their convenience include babysitting information.

The overzealous parents who feel the need to invite every person they've ever met is a little more problematic. Sometimes it is a thin line to tread in navigating a new family - and there are plenty of future years to step on toes! Hopefully mentioning the expense of extra guests will get the wanted response of accepting a smaller invitation list – or even better a check! But if you are met with blank stares and there are people that you feel obligated to include, there's always the option of sending out an announcement. But don't expect a gift, as people not invited to the wedding are in no way required to give one.

So after a bit of angst you've finally figured out the guest list and the invitations have been sent – hopefully with the correct postage. Be sure to check this at the post office. Now the exciting time of receiving responses begins. When I was getting married I got such delight in receiving our little response envelopes. I would rush to check the mail every day! It was so exciting to be able to know who to look forward to seeing on our special day.

But know that there will always be those few guests, or not so few, who find it a great imposition to check that preferred entrée box and pop that already addressed and stamped envelope into a mailbox. Yes, you will be making countless phone calls to see whether MIA guests are attending or not. And this does need to be checked. Because the inconsiderate non-responder is the most likely one to show up at your event – with a date. You don't want the embarrassment of a last minute seating issue.

Once you have your final guest list it's onto the dinner seating dilemma. One bride even produced a whole chart where each guest could be moved around little tables until the perfect seating arrangement was determined. But try not to fret about this too much. Aside from the two uncles who haven't spoken in fifteen years and are both members of the NRA, your guests should be able to remain pleasant for the duration of one meal. Hopefully they will then be up from their seats and happily cutting the rug for the remainder of the evening!

I do think it's a good idea to put significant others together when possible, which can get tricky if only one of a couple is in the wedding party. In that case, perhaps instead of a Head Table you and the Groom could sit at a Sweet Heart table while the bridal party is mixed amongst the other guests. But ultimately, regardless of who sits where, don't loose site of what a great gift it is to have family and friends all together, all at once to help celebrate one of the most important days of your life.